My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
