just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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