Farmville is her only friend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
