Michael Bay diarrhea
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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