UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You've changed since you got that strap on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
