You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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