3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
