So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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