Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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