mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
