all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
