I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
