I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
