You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
