Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
