Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
