Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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