awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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