I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
