I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
