the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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