Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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