Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
