OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
