Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
