my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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