i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
