I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
