The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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