Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
