we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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