I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
