I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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