She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just want nice things and good sex
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize