just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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