i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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