apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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