Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
