why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
