Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
