i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
