She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
