Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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