I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
