I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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