Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
