I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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