Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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