I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
