Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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