I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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