went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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