I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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