My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize