hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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