I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
