I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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