i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize