Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
