I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize