Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
