Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
