he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dear god my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
