i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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