Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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