weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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